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TheImperfectArtist http://theimperfectartist.com Home of the Everyday Artist Sun, 20 Jan 2013 14:57:43 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 The night I spent as Gods assistant By r.e. bertlow http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1476 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1476#comments Sun, 20 Jan 2013 14:47:21 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1476 Continue reading ]]> The night I spent as Gods assistant

By r.e. bertlow

I went to bed the other night and fell fast a sleep. It had been a long difficult day. Anything that could go wrong had gone wrong. I was having a good dream. The one where Sam is working full time and we can afford to buy things again. Anyway I’m in the middle of this wonderful dream when I hear this Te-ed and feel this wind across my ear. I Swipe my hand in the general direction of the air and then grab my pillow a little tighter and try to settle back into the dream I was having.. Just as I’m sipping cocktails by the pool as the Pool boy cleans the pool ( another thing that went by the way side when Sam lost his job.)

 I hear it again this time a bit louder Te-ee-ed! And the Swoosh of air across my ear. I brushed it away and said Sam would you  please stop it. The I heard a loud TED! and Felt a Large Cold Swoosh against the Side of my head. Almost like having a bucket of Ice water thrown on my head. I bolted up saying What the Hell are you Doing Sam, I looked down at Him and he is sound asleep.

Focus I heard, then , over here Ted. I turned to  my right towards the French doors and there was this handsome, handsome man with wings. I rubbed my eyes and heard “Done wasting my time?” Ted God wants to see you. He sent me to fetch you. I asked if I was being called home ? Well Yes but not the way you think… Oh he said my name is Roger by the way. He stuck out his hand extending it towards mine to shake. We shook hands and  Roger continued. As I was saying God wants to see you but, no you are not dying. He just needs your help for tonight. His regular guy Stan wasn’t feeling well and you’re the next substitute on the list. Substitute? What are you talking about?.

Well, Roger said, Stan usually helps God with some of the odds and ends of human’s day to day lives. In the event that Stan is sick and can’t help God that night or is on vacation a mortal is selected to take his place for the night. It’s all very random. Then why me I asked? Roger leaned in and said well…you were randomly selected from a pool of many. That, and God specifically asked for you. But why me? I asked again. Roger leaned back in a reclining position and with his legs crossed and his arms folded he shrugged his shoulders and with a slight head toss he said who knows? In a flippant manner. The he leaned in and his head became extremely large and caricature like and he said in a very matter of fact but stern tone. : You can be sure that if God specifically requested you there is a  reason I’m just not privy to it. Then Roger drew back shrinking back to normal and as he did he clapped his hand together saying Chop, Chop let go you don’t Keep him waiting.

The next thing I am aware of is that I’m sitting next to God in a room filled with the most gorgeous me I’d ever seen. .Some paired up some not. Welcome Ted, how are you this evening. Fine I answered. Good, Good God said I trust  Roger made your journey hear Swift? God  then tilted his head back and gave a little laugh. Your probably wondering why I chose you to help me to night?.. I said that yes I was just a bit curious?. God looked at me. (He had move from where he had been and was a little further away and a little higher up) and said very matter of factl ” come on lets go. much to be done. to night. With that he took my hand and off we went into the night. He handed me a bag and Said hold on to this we will need it. I looked into the bag and there inside were diamonds. I looked at God with a quizzical look on my face. I asked God why we needed Diamonds? He explained to me that people had stopped believing in him and he had to play cash up front for many of the services and help that I use. Really I said in shock and dismay. Unfortunately people forget. They have learned not to trust anymore. People have become jaded so it has become cash and carry.

What is it we are going to be doing? God glanced back at me casually  as we flew through the night and said restoration of faith. Oh Great  I thought to myself here we go to Oklahoma. God turned around looking at me sternly,  saying  were going to San Francisco Smart Ass, specifically the Castro. There is a new Start up Church that needs an infusion of the Holy Spirit. I looked at God with what must have been a look of astonishment on my face. So I Said you do accept gay people? Of course he said Didn’t you know that? My sons gay and I am Intersexed.. Really I said with Amazement. Hello he said I gave Birth to Adam, Eve and Jezabel. Oh My Self he said looking at me with exasperation…. Anywho, we have some other stops to make along the way. As we traveled we used the diamonds as currency mostly when we were dealing with heterosexual who were conservative. 

As we traveled across nations and continents God told me of Each of his four children Adam, Jezabel (who was also intersexed.) and Eve. He explained that Adam just as Jesus was Gay and Eve was Actually a Lesbian. He told me that they Agreed to have Chldren for Gods sake. God said he had intended for the population to be 25 percent gay, 25 percent lesbian, 25 percent 10 percent bisexual he actually said “pick a side for Christ sake: and 15 percent transgender and intersex. He went on to say that the  fanatical religious right heterosexuals (he rolled his eyes upward and said thank you Catholic church)  decided to bread like rabbits on a seven year cycle. And then you know I go and have Noah give the clean sweep , which by the way there were actually for of every thing one gay couple one lesbian couple. Noah was a good man but a good man to a fault he and Dan felt sorry for a straight couple that he and Dan were friends with, Yes Noah was gay his wife in the bible actually he said with a disgusted look on his face “The bible don’t get me started suffice it to say Noah was gay Dan was Noah’s husband. Noah’s So Called wife ( God made Air quotes when he said this) Lesbian , her wife was on the boat as well. I digress he said, Where I was going with this is that Noah and Dan bless there little hearts, Myself don’t even get me started on the south they totally ripped me off on that phrase. God said then continued on. Anywho he said Noah and Dan felt sorry for this Straight couple that they were friends with and snuck them on the boat. It’s hard to be made at someone who’s heart is in the right place so I told Noah if they cause any trouble you only have yourself to blame. I wash my hands of them.

It was amazing God was talking to me as if we where these old friends and we were just catching up after time apart.  As we made our way I began to notice that we were showing up where event and marches for equality were taking place. Standing along side ministers as they stood up for justices and equality. peace and hope. We witnessed gay marriages and commitment  ceremonies. We were by bed sides as husbands said god by to husbands and wives said good by to wives for the very last time, sharing their grief with them welcoming their spouse home. Then it was off once again through the night sky.

God was a real chatter box he never talked about himself much though. He said that the Jews think that they are the chosen ones because of Jesus and all but he said it’s not what they think  The chosen ones are the LGT and then he said very flippant notice theirs no be in there/ I said Yes. He looked back at me and said Ya well Pick a side. I said well that’s rather harsh don’t you think? Ya both my sons would agree with you on that one. My Daughters there kind of with me on this one especially Eve Man she’s more militant then I am about it don’t even get her started. Whoa. God shook his head as if to indicate that it wouldn’t be pretty, he went on to Say … I keep telling her  While I see and agree with her point I don’t like ugly and I won’t have her acting like a prig about it.

Jesus, Jesus is a lot more like Noah is. You know if it hadn’t been for Jesus I hate to say it But rest my soul the boy is going to drive me crazy with his total tolerance off all. Children do really change you he said then sternly added that joke about freezing children because you can’t finish one. I got a scared look on my face. Who knew that joke would come back to bite me in the butt in a big way, I was sweating bullets as God looked at me and kept me hanging then Gave me two thumbs up and said killer dude. We high fived. He went back to talking about Jesus and how Jesus was a lot like Noah very patient forgiving and, kind, I just wish he would find a good man and settle down. Some times he is like a teenage Girls This week this ones dreamy the next week that ones dreamy. I looked at God and Said Who uses dreamy anymore? He shrugged his shoulders and said Apparently Jesus.

The Sun was coming up as we made our last stop in San Francisco. My Bag of Diamonds still pretty much full as most of the places we stopped to help were with in LGBT communities and the desire to have faith in God is strong.

As we made our last stop in a little basement apartment in the Castro. A woman was praying to God. In Silent pray she kneeled next to her bed. I could hear her prayer as if she were reading it out loud. She was giving thanks for the opportunity to serve as on of Gods Servants, Thanks for the new person that showed up to last Sundays service. Thanks for those that help set up and take down chairs and other items before and after Sunday Service. As this young pastor kneel and pray she pray prayers of gratitude and forgiveness. She made vows to become a better servant and admitted she failed at that task at times. I looked at God and a tear well up in his eye and he gently leaned down and surrounded the young priest enfolding her in his arms and gently placing a kiss on her forehead like a parent does to a child. He drew away and a smile came across her face as she said Amen. God turned to me and said this young Priest believes with all of her heart and every fiber of her being that she is doing the right thing. That her work is good work. She is right . God said to me hand me the bag. I did. He took my had and said Follow me as we jetted off  we headed for the store front that the priest and her small congregation rented. As we entered the sectioned off office area God found the collection plate and opened the bag over it and as the diamond fell from the bag the turned to checks, bills and, coins. He said the woman has been patient when others couldn’t be. She kept faith when others started to loose theirs. And believed when all she had was prayer. She has kept this small congregation together for five years now and every chance I get I like to give her and her congregation a little help for all the good work they do

God looked at his watch then at me and said we have to get you home. We left the building and headed back to my place. Sam was Sound asleep in our Bed one of the dogs  curled up beside him on the bed stirred looking up and God an I as we entered the room. God gave him a nod and said Hey Couse. The Dog returned the sentiment.

before I knew it I was back in my bed sound asleep dreaming of sitting around the pool with Sam Grateful for what we have and our life together.


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Robbie and Lucas Bestest Friends By r.e. bertlow http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1471 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1471#comments Fri, 18 Jan 2013 16:33:03 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1471 Continue reading ]]>
Robbie and Lucas are Bestest Friends

Robbie is 10 years old and has Down Syndrome but Lucas doesn’t care.

Lucas is Robbie’s Wheaten Terrier

Robbie and Lucas like to do everything together

Robbie and Lucas talk about everything from the school to sports and movies and more.

Why they would talk before the got out of bed each morning

Lucas, what should we do today? Robbie would ask.

The sun is very bright and the clouds look very fluffy today. Robbie said

Well then Robbie, Lucas replied, how about a walk under those fluffy clouds and see decide what to do.

That sounds good Robbie said.

So Robbie and Lucas got out of there beds and Stretched their arms and legs and gave out big yawns.

Robbie, His mother called, Time for breakfast.

Robbie and Lucas headed down stair to the breakfast room.

Robbie loved to slide down the banister

As Robbie reached the bottom of the banister he and Lucas headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

Once Robbie and Lucas finished breakfast they headed for the front door.

Robbie’s mom called out don’t go to far.

We won’t came Robbie’s reply.

Robbie and Lucas headed out the door and off on an adventure.

Robbie and Lucas headed to the field behind the house

As Robbie and Lucas walked through the field They Talked about this and that and that and this.

Lucas picked up a rope he found in the field from an old tree swing.

You want to play a game of Tug O War Robbie?

Sure Robbie said as he grabbed a hold of one end of the rope.

Lucas pulled one direction and Robbie pulled the other direction and pretty soon the old rope snapped and the both ended up on their back in the grassy field

Robbie and Lucas were laughing so hard that their stomachs hurt.

That was fun Robbie said, What do you want to do now?

Why don’t we just look at the clouds Lucas said.

The two of them laid on their backs and stared up at the sky looking at the clouds

Wow that one looks like a Space ship said Robbie.

It does, Lucas replied and that one over there is in the shape of a heart.

I see it Robbie said.

Robbie and Lucas stared up at the sky picking different shapes in the cloud until they heard Robbie’s mom call out

Robbie, Lucas time for lunch.

Robbie and Lucas got up and headed back home again. The Two of the Bested friends

The End.

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Il Cielo Vivido http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1465 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1465#comments Wed, 02 Jan 2013 22:48:14 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1465 Continue reading ]]>

As vivid colors streak across the sky.

The day begins to come alive.

Whatever we make it it can be

Bold, beautiful and Brilliantly

This day is just beginning to grow

It can blossom and bloom and weave like a loom.

It can color your life in Bright Brilliant Beauty and hand it to you with a Bow

Oh by the end of the day the things you’ll know

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The Tale of Mario and Antonetta’s wedding night A Naughty little tale http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1458 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1458#comments Thu, 15 Nov 2012 17:46:25 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1458 Continue reading ]]>  


The Tale of Mario and Antonetta’s wedding night

By r.e. bertlow

In a medium sized village in the north of Italy lived the Rombada family and the Coscione family. Both families were very wealthy and steeped in tradition. One family lived Above the entrance to the village while the other family lived above the exit from the village . Both had palatial estates though that is neither here nor there for the purposes of the story. Anywho…. The Rombada’s had a Daughter named Antonetta and the Coscione’s had a son named Mario.

Antonetta and Mario grew up as friends and soon fell in love. Antonetta was a very good girls she was your average under the sweater over the bra third base is as far as you get girl and though she did a great many things with Mario she had never seen him without clothes on or he she and they had never been intimate.

Ahhh Young love. The wedding was the talk of the village. All the women in the village hoped to win the heart of a Coscione’s man. And now that Antonetta was to marry Mario that left 8 more Coscione boys of which 7 would seek wives (Alexander the Oldest boy already had a husband and his wedding had been four years prior. He Married Christoff Rombada Antonettas Oldest brother (she has three). In Any event Antonetta and Mario were Madly in love and all the young village maidens got together to help her plan her wedding as was tradition in the village they lived.

All the single men helped Mario plan his Ultimo giorno di celebrazione della libertà or Finaly day of freedom celebration. A day filled with Debauchery. Antonnetta would also have her own Ultimo giorno di celebrazione della libertà as well. And then will come the wedding day.

Soon the wedding day arrived. The ceremony was beautiful the Whole village was invited. In fact they had to have the neighboring village through the wedding as there was no one from their own village who wasn’t invited.

It is tradition in the village that the Bride and Groom spend they’re wedding night in the brides parents house. A special room is built at the opposite end of the house just for the bride and groom. It is usually built on top of the existing house and is referred to as Il nido d’amore or the love nest. Hence being above the house as if to be in the trees.

Antonetta went to get ready for a passionate night of love making with Mario (She had been dreaming of this night for years.) Mario lay on the bed in pajamas and socks. Antonetta leaned in the doorway of the bathroom in a Sexy black nighty. With a come hither stair one hand on her hip and the other on the side of her head as her elbow was propped against the door frame. She said seductively Mario, Mario Tonight I’ma Gonna give you a good time. Mario took off his pajama top and Antonetta never having seen such a chest as his ran down the stairs across the hall to the back of the house to her parents bedroom where they were just about to Sono viziosa sesso if you know what I mean. Terrified Antonetta told her mother how they were all ready to go when he took off his shirt. Her voice grew louder with terror as she told her mother he had a Great Big Hairy Chest. Her mother looked at her sternly and pointing her finger towards the door told her daughter “you get up there it’s your wedding night it’s your duty. Yes Mama Antonetta said as she head away from the back end of the house down the hall and up the stairs to Il nido d’amore where Mario was waiting for her a bit concerned about why she ran off. Antonetta stood in the doorway of the room and again with that come hither look and elbow propped in the door way one on her hip, sexy nighty she said Mario, Oh Mariooooo, Mario, Mario Marioooo, Tonight I’ma gonna give you a good time. O’l Mario’s motor was revved up and running full throttle by now and he took off his pajama bottoms and even though he had on underwear Antonetta went racing from the room. She ran down the stairs across the hall to the back of the house to her parents bedroom with the do not disturb sign on the door which Antonetta completely disregarded Pushing the door open she walked in on then just as they were about to get started with some Sono viziosa sesso if you know what I mean. Antonetta looked at her papa handcuffed face down to the bed fully shirt off a long stemmed rose between his teeth. He looked up at his daughter with a look of exasperation in his eyes over the intrusion. With a short lived look of curiosity directed towards her papa she refocused her mama and informed her saying “Mama. Mama, Mama, he’s got great big hairy legs. Her mother looked her in the eye and pointing the end of her riding crop towards the door and once again instructed her daughter. “You get back up there it’s your wedding night it’s your duty.

Once again Antonetta left her parents room headed from the back end of the house down the hall and up the stairs to Il nido d’amore where Mario was. waiting for her a bit concerned about her reactions to both his hairy chest and legs. He was afraid she would really freak out when she discovered his long kept secret. He only had one big to and it was very hairy. What would she do? How would she react? He figured that she was going to find out sooner or later so he decided sooner was better and she would half to deal with it as they were now married.

Antonetta stood in the doorway of Il nido d’amore once again. That come hither stair on her face that drove Mario wild with passion, her hand on her hip, the black nightie. Antonetta stood in that doorway saying “ Mario, Oh Marrrrio, Mario, Mario, Mario, Tonight I’ma gonna give you a real good time. Poor o’l Mario was just about to blow his mind Antonettas was looking so beautiful. It give a good Italian boy lots of well it makes him feel… You get the picture. So Mario takes his socks of and just as he hooks his thumbs in the waistband of his boxers to pull them down Antonetta’s eyes get as big as saucers having seen that he had only one big toe and seeing how hairy it is she bolts from the room runs down the stairs across the hall to the back of the house to her parents bedroom with the do not disturb sign on the now locked door behind which her parents are engaging in Sono viziosa sesso if you know what I mean. Pounding on the door Antonetta shouts Mama Mama Mama He’s got great big hairy… at which point Mama opens the door bursting from her room and say’s Step aside this is a job for your Mama

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Meet Reggie http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1452 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1452#comments Mon, 24 Sep 2012 02:22:34 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1452

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Bloom Night September 22, 2012 at Elaines http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1436 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1436#comments Sat, 22 Sep 2012 14:55:10 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1436 Russ and Phyllis Steve and Phyllis Bill, Ron and Ron's Partner Group Shot David and Rev Chuck Elaine our Hostess Suzan and Rev Kev Group Shot Rev Ron, Vicki, Lloyd, Linda, Rev Ron Bill and Jason Damon and Steve ]]> http://theimperfectartist.com/?feed=rss2&p=1436 0 L.A. County Fair http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1396 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1396#comments Sat, 22 Sep 2012 12:46:02 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1396 12 chairs high Candy Apple Funnel cakes at the fair2 IMG_3192 IUs posing with that Cow Daisy Posing with Endless Thumber Surfer, Pig and Dude LemonAide Stand Leo at the Fair Mojo Monkey1 Mojos Safari Monkey Business rc says The Swinging Set IMG_3170 IMG_3173 IMG_3174 IMG_3175 IMG_3176 IMG_3181 IMG_3182 IMG_3194 IMG_3204 IMG_3213 IMG_3215 IMG_3218 IMG_3230 IMG_3236 IMG_3237 IMG_3244 IMG_3262 IMG_3265 IMG_3309 IMG_3326 Mojo Monkey ]]> http://theimperfectartist.com/?feed=rss2&p=1396 0 It’s hard for me to believe http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1388 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1388#comments Tue, 14 Aug 2012 21:17:03 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1388 Continue reading ]]> It’s Hard to believe in this day and Age

By r.e.bertlow

It is hard for me to believe anymore that in this day and age anyone would vote for Mitt Romney who is a friend of mine or tells me I matter. It’s hard for me to believe that people that know me and say they care for me just don’t get that a vote for Mitt is a vote to make me “Less Than”, a vote to end my rights as a human, as a US citizen. It’s hard for me to believe that anyone who knows me , Who says I matter to them would wish me harm. But that’s exactly what they do when the vote for Mitt. It’s hard for me to believe that I have to explain this, even harder to believe it won’t sink in with some, who are my friends and say I matter. It’s hard for me to hear that some of my friends, those who say I matter, really mean to say I don’t.

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When the Moon and the Palm Danced http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1352 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1352#comments Sat, 04 Aug 2012 16:28:01 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1352 Continue reading ]]> I never know where natures Beauty is going to come from. Whether it be in the Sunrise early morning or the hummingbird at the flower. Thre is so much beauty to photography. Last night after First Friday Art walk down at Crystal Fantasy, I caught some incredible shots of the moon dancing with the Palms.

IMG_1114 IMG_1117 IMG_1099 IMG_1104 IMG_1106 IMG_1111 IMG_1112 IMG_1113 IMG_1114 IMG_1116 IMG_1117 IMG_1120 IMG_1121 IMG_1122 IMG_1123 IMG_1127 IMG_1128 IMG_1135 IMG_1136 IMG_1139 IMG_1140 IMG_1141 IMG_1142 IMG_1146 IMG_1147 IMG_1148 IMG_1150 IMG_1151 IMG_1161 IMG_1167 IMG_1174 IMG_1183 ]]>
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The Altered Moon http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1338 http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1338#comments Wed, 27 Jun 2012 19:09:24 +0000 Russ http://theimperfectartist.com/?p=1338 A Slice of Moon Another Slice of the Moon Day Moon Eating the Moon Inferno Moon The Lavender Moon The Moon in Blue and Pink on Chrome Yellow The Moon in Green on Purple The Pinwheel Moon ]]> http://theimperfectartist.com/?feed=rss2&p=1338 0